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Variety of Statues |
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Words
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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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FAMILY
CIRCUS! |
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Page
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Page
2 |
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Friskey To The Rescue |
Uncle Jimmy |
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Grandma Hitting The Sauce |
Cindy versus Mom |
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Foggy Mountain Highs |
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When I was about 10 years old, my father comes home from
work with this Boxer/Dalmation/Ridge Back mix puppy.
We named him Friskey and he lived up to his name.
Anyway, this dog was a chewer. My father lost half
his socks off the clothes line every month and he
pranced around with my mother's "Granny
Panties" in the back yard as if he'd captured
some sort of trophy.
The one thing he loved was being in the house. The
one thing my mother wouldn't allow after he was 6 months
old because he used the furniture as his
"teething ring". Not to be deterred.
Little by little, he tore this gaping hole in the
sliding door screen and used to try to inch his way (it
took all day) into the living room until half his body
was in the back yard and half was in the living room.
It was an ongoing battle for control and nobody was
winning.
He was and excellent watch dog, though and hated, just
hated anyone in a uniform. This did not bode well
for the mailman, who refused to come to the door and my
mom had to go out and take the mail from him from the
curb.
One day, while Friskey was in the process of sliding
into the living room, my mother crossed his path and he
started snarling and growling. Anyone who knows my
mother understands the concept of "Alpha
Female". She stood about 3 feet away from him
and in a threatening voice said, "Are you growling
at me!?"
Just then the front screen door opened enough to let out
a few squeaks and my mother turned to see this strange
man opening the door to get into the house. The dog was
growling at the guy who had been standing on the front
porch before my mom even knew he was there.
Well, the dog lit out after him and if you can imagine
some oversized dog chasing this guy down a neighborhood
street at 10 in the morning, barking and snarling.
All the neighbors came out watch the show.
Friskey chased the guy around the corner and 5 minutes
later, he came back, prancing proudly up the street . .
. with the back of the man's pants in his mouth.
The neighbors started cheering and of course that
encouraged him to start shredding his "kill".
My mom was laughing the whole time and when he came
home, she cooked him up a
steak and let him stay in the house the whole day.
He never touched any of the furniture after that and my
mom never questioned his instincts again.
Submitted by Rain |
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Grandma
Hitting The Sauce! |
I don't know if this qualifies for "worst,"
but my family get-togethers when my grandmother was
still alive could be very interesting. I don't know if
Rain's ever been there, but there's a restaurant in
Pasadena called Cameron's, where they serve mostly
seafood, but have really good steaks (being allergic
to anything that lives in water, I don't have much
choice anyway). Anyway, Grandma ordered Lobster
Thermidor, which grosses me out, and Grandma was
eating the sauce with a spoon. Oh, and Grandma was
hard of hearing, and always turned her hearing aids
down while she was eating, which meant we could say
just about anything we wanted. ;-) Can you see where
I'm going here?
Aunt Geri was looking at Grandma eating the sauce in
horror, and saying "I don't know HOW she can eat
that!" My response was, "But Aunt Geri, it
just goes straight through!!!!!!" Which is true-
she always had horrid problems like that. Aunt Geri
was horrified, but still laughing her head off, my
brother Tim wanted to know what I'd said, but Aunt
Geri told me not to repeat it, and Mom said
"Whatever you said, don't repeat it!"
Knowing that I would, given the chance. I have a small
problem like that- I'll come up with a quick answer to
something someone says without thinking about what I'm
saying.
I did tell Tim later, but it wasn't as funny to him as
it would have been if I'd told him at dinner. I still
laugh at this one when I think about it. Oh, and
Grandma brushed her teeth with Milk of Magnesia.
(shiver in disgust) I have a lot of funny stories
about my grandmother from Mom because Grandma had a
very difficult personality, but didn't realize that
she was so amusing after the fact.
Submitted by Ginnilee
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One morning after waking up and getting
the two older children their bottles, (This was like, 5
years ago) I went in to take my medicine, have a pepsi
and wake up. After about 15 mins.had passed, I walked
through the bath in the master bedroom, to get to the
kitchen and I found these same two children standing
over the toilet, with the lid and seat up. They were
saying; "You do it", "No, you first Jimmy"....
At first I was puzzled, but then my own words hit me
like a brick. I told the toddlers, when you are done
with your bottles go put them in the toilet"!!!! I
meant sink of course, but being good kids, they were
trying to do just what I told them to do. Luckily I
caught them in time and we put the bottles in the sink
and not the toilet lol. They were confused children that
morning! LOL
I call these my "foggy mountain highs"
Submitted by Jane |
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