If you are a parent, you really don’t need to be reminded about the importance of education. What goes on at school has an impact on every single facet of family life from the time your youngest child enters Junior Kindergarten until the day he or she finally decides that it is time to leave the classroom and enter the world of work.
  
   Many parents today don’t realize, however, just how different things were when they were going through the system. It sure seemed a whole lot easier to deal with school matters when my own children were growing up.  Homework was less difficult to understand and I had no trouble helping my children with their assignments. Most of the time we just let the school take care of education responsibilities. Come to think of it, everything about life seemed so much easier to deal with.
  
   Times are different today – in everything, not just education. Parents are no longer just parents: they are “Family Managers” with responsibilities that include a wide variety of functions, including the management of the education and career planning of their children. In other words, today’s parents MUST take an active role in the education program of their children. They have no choice and it is imperative that they fully understand the implications of provincial testing; IPRC meetings; IEP requirements; special education and resource support; academic vs applied levels of study in high school; college vs university vs apprenticeship options; report cards that have numbers from 1 to 4 instead of percents and letters; etc.
  
   Many parents are left in a total state of confusion, making an attempt to become involved by “helping” with homework until they recognize that the math being taught in school today does not look like the math they were taught 20 or 30 years ago. They try as hard as they can to “force” their children to keep up with assignments and to get high marks but this often leads to an elevated level of stress in the home and a negative attitude towards education among the children.
  
   Today’s parents have no choice! They must accept their role as “Family Managers” and within that organizational structure of the family falls the management of Learning and Education programs for children.
  
   This can mean measures that include anywhere from home schooling to private schools and everything in between from regular schools to special schools to private tutoring. Whatever it takes, it is your responsibility as the “Family Manager” to make sure that effective learning takes place for all members of your “team” – yourself included.
  
   The primary responsibility for educating your child is no longer the job of the schools. It is your job as a parent and how you manage your choice of schools and your understanding of the school system is critical to your performance as the “Family Manager”.
  
   You must find time to visit your child's school once in a while. Talk to the teacher and principal. And don’t just talk about the weather. Talk about substance and become better acquainted with the programs. Ask for explanations. Question policies and philosophies with which you disagree. Visit web sites and check things out.
  
   Whatever you do, DON’T DO NOTHING! Your job as a “Family Manager” is the most important job you will ever have in your life. Be good at it!

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They say that every new day is another opportunity to make significant changes in our life. 

As we search for these significant changes, let us all take a few moments to consider the following story. Perhaps the answer lies therein.

There once lived a rich man who couldn’t understand why he was unhappy. He had wealth beyond imagination, but was always in a miserable mood. He lived in a huge mansion by himself. One Christmas Eve he visited a wise old man and confided in him about his dilemma. The wise old man took him to a window.

"Look out there," he said.

The rich man looked out into the street.

"What do you see?", the wise old man asked.

"I see men and women and little children," answered the rich man.

Then the wise old man took the rich man to a mirror.

"What do you see now?" he asked.

"I see myself," the rich man answered.

Then the wise old man explained, "Behold, both the window and the mirror are made of glass. But the glass of the mirror is covered with silver. No sooner is silver added than you cease to see others and see only yourself."

The rich man left the wise old man and drove to his only sister’s house for his annual Christmas Eve visit to deliver some very expensive gifts that he had purchased for her family. It was the only day of the year he saw his sister and he usually just stayed long enough to drop off the presents and wish them a Merry Christmas.

When he arrived at the door, he was warmly greeted by his sister, her husband, and their five year old daughter. His sister and her husband were of modest means, living in a small apartment, yet they were always happy. The rich man was still confused from the advice given by the wise old man.

It was just then that the little girl ran into the living room and returned to give her rich uncle a present. The look in her eyes would have one believe that it was something very precious. When the rich man opened up the package, it was an angel pasted on a pie plate. It mattered not that the angel looked like a clown, nor that it was pasted on crooked. What mattered is that the little girl had given the rich man something that all the money in the world couldn’t buy. For the first time that he could remember, there were tears in his eyes, as the little girl gave him a big hug and asked him to stay for a while to play with her.

The rich man’s sister and her husband were both surprised and delighted when the man accepted the little girl’s invitation. It was the first time he had ever entered the apartment, although he was often asked. When he left several hours later, he realized that the little girl had given him one of life’s finest gifts. When she kissed him good bye and told him that this was the best Christmas she ever had, he suddenly understood what the wise old man was trying to tell him earlier in the day.

As he drove home that evening the stars in the sky seemed to be shining a little bit brighter. From that day onward, the rich man stopped spending time looking in mirrors, and instead, looked through every window he could find. He discovered that real joy comes not from accumulating riches or hoarding material things, but from doing something worthwhile for others. The little five-year old girl showed him that all the expensive presents in the world were not as important to her as spending a few hours playing with her uncle. The rich man never again felt unhappy! And he never again spent Christmas, Thanksgiving or birthdays alone.

This year, let us all take the time to look through windows so that we may truly see the things in this world that count. Let us all make a commitment to spend those precious moments with our loved ones as we discover the most precious gifts of all.

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   One of my favourite days of the year is Fathers’ Day. This is the one day of the year when children usually go out of their way to buy a gift, make a phone call or do something special with their Father.
  
   For me, this day has always allowed me to spend time reflecting upon the tremendous responsibility I took on when I became a father. My children did not ask to come into this world. They did not select me as their father. They had no choice in the matter. They were forced to be my children and now their own children are forced into being my grandchildren.

   That is why I always consider Fathers’ Day as a special day in the year when I should be doing something special with my children; a day when I should be looking for ways to show my appreciation for what my children have meant to me over the years. It is also a day when I sometimes look back in time and realize that I wasn’t always as good a father as I should have been.  

   Unfortunately, fathers are not always completely sensitive to the needs of their children. Most of us would never do anything to deliberately hurt our children, but sometimes we just don’t realize how our actions or inactions are being perceived by our sons and daughters.

   For example, take the story of Howard, a man who thought he was in tune with the times. When his four-year old son David acquired a taste for “The Three Little Pigs” and demanded that his father read it to him night after night, Howard took action. He purchased a child’s easy-to-use tape recorder and read the story onto tape for him.

   The next time David asked for the story to be read, Howard switched on the recorder. David was fascinated at the novelty of his father’s voice reading his favorite book from a ‘machine’. The following night when he asked for “Free Li’l Pigs”, Howard went a step further. He showed David how to work the playback on the recorder for himself.

   The following evening, when David arrived and pushed the storybook at him, Howard said, “Now, David, you know how to turn on the recorder.” He smiled and said sweetly but insistently, “Yes.” Then he added, “But I can’t sit on its lap.” Needless to say the tape recorder was placed in storage after that.

   Take another story about a father who once had a job that required extensive travel. After a long trip, his wife and four children would meet him at the door with loving hugs and kisses. After one such joyful homecoming, he was playing with his youngest child and he asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up? The child responded without hesitation, “A pilot.”

   “Why a pilot?” the father asked a bit surprised.

   His son looked at him and replied, “So I can spend more time with you.”

   Shortly thereafter the father took on a position in his company that required far less travel.

   Every father’s day I always remember one afternoon when I was raking leaves in the back yard. My three sons were playing soccer on the grass and then decided to jump on the piles of leaves that I had worked so hard to rake up. Instead of scolding them for their actions, I simply watched them play, reminded about the story of the young father who was teaching his son how to push a lawn mower. The father turned away to talk to his wife and his son accidentally pushed the mower right through the flower bed. When the father began to yell at his child, his wife reminded him, “Remember, we’re raising children, not flowers.”

   We still have the picture of the boys playing in those leaves. It is hanging up in the house where I can see it every day to remind me that I am raising children, not flowers.

   In closing, there are two things that I wish I would have learned earlier in life, and each year I use this column to pass this message along to all of the young fathers out there. First, don’t ever feel that spending time with your children is less important than anything else you have to do in your life. Absolutely nothing is more important than spending time, even if it is just for a few moments with your children. Secondly, never pass up an opportunity to make your children realize that you are extremely proud to be their father.

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Regardless of how you look at it - we do not live in a very happy, satisfied society today. Look around you. Everywhere you look you see the strained faces of people rushing through the daily chores of life in a struggle to either get ahead or stay afloat. Personal debt levels are at an all-time high as people use their credit cards and borrow money to ‘buy their dreams’. Others are just scraping by, hoping to survive the next financial disaster.

What happened to our childhood dreams? You know the one where you lay on the cool grass looking at the clouds floating by, dreaming about how your life would be when you grew up.

Life can hardly be called a dream today. Certainly there are moments when we forget our problems and enjoy peaceful times with the ones we love, but then there are many others where we wish for that lottery win; that big gain in the stock market; or that big break which will allow you to buy the house and car of your dreams.

I heard a story one day about a boy who said to God, “I’ve been thinking, and I know what I want when I become a man.”

He proceeded to give God his list: to live in a big house with two Saint Bernards and a garden...marry a blue-eyed, tall, beautiful woman...have three sons - one who will be a doctor, one a scientist, and one a professional hockey player. He also wanted to be an adventurer who climbed tall mountains...and to drive a red Ferrari.

As it turned out, the boy hurt his knee one day while playing football. He no longer could climb trees, much less mountains. He married a beautiful and kind woman who was short with brown eyes. Because of his business, he lived in a city apartment, took cabs, and rode subways. He had three loving daughters, and they adopted a fluffy cat. One daughter became a nurse, another an artist, and the third a music teacher.

One morning the man awoke and remembered his boyhood dream. He became extremely depressed, so depressed that he became very ill. Close to death from a broken heart, he called out to God, “Remember when I was a boy and told You all the things I wanted? Why didn’t you give me those things?”

“I could have,” said God, “but I wanted to make you happy.”

Recognize that true happiness comes from accepting the life with which God has provided you. Happiness does not come from big homes and fancy cars. True happiness comes from your attitude towards your own unique situation in life and the loving people around you.

I remember when our first son was born. The lady in the bed beside my wife had just given birth to her first child as well... a beautiful, healthy baby girl. However, her husband was absolutely distraught. He wanted a son so badly that he wouldn’t even hold his daughter when he came to visit. I even went and found him a gown one evening and brought it to him, hoping that he might hold his marvellous daughter. He would have nothing to do with her. The mother was so depressed that she even asked my wife if they could trade her daughter for our son. Here was a time in this young couple’s life when they should have been so happy with their first born, and yet, because of their ‘dream’ of having a son, they couldn’t see the happiness.  I often wonder if one day she and her husband too will look up to God and ask why He didn’t make their dream come true? I wonder how many of us will also look up to God and ask why he didn’t make our dreams come true? Perhaps we will all be surprised when he answers, “Because I wanted to make you happy.”

Let’s not spend so much time longing for our childhood dreams that we miss out on the happiness that we have been given. When God tells us that he didn’t make the dreams come true because He wanted to make us happy, let’s hope we don’t have to hang our heads in regret because we were too blind to enjoy the happiness we were given in our life.  

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   Just the other day a friend of mine came up to me while I was in the middle of rearranging my schedule to accommodate an unforeseen problem that had just arisen and he asked, “How can you stay so calm and relaxed? Don’t you ever get upset at anything? This would drive me crazy!”
  
   I smiled and shrugged my shoulders while telling him, “I’ve learned that getting upset doesn’t make your problems go away. It just gets in the way of dealing with things and moving on.”
  
   In fact, there is one little story I read a long time ago that had a great deal of influence on how I react to things today. At the time I first read the story I was the kind of person who could “fly off the handle” very easily and I often over reacted to things that other people told me before I investigated the situation myself. After reading the story I changed my attitude and learned to wait until I had all of the facts so that I could form my own opinions and arrive at my own conclusions.

   Let me share the story with you.

   One day a weary mother returned from the store, lugging groceries into the kitchen. Awaiting her arrival was her eight-year old son, eager to relate to her what his five-year old younger brother had done.
  
   “Mommy,” he said, “I was outside and dad was on the phone and Billy took his crayons and wrote on the wall. It’s on the new wall paper you just hung in the den. I told him you’d be mad and would have to do it over again.”
  
   She let out a moan and furrowed her brow while shouting, “Where is your little brother?”
  
   She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride marched to his closet where he had gone to hide, calling his full name as she entered his bedroom. Billy trembled with fear as he emerged from the closet, knowing full well that he was in deep trouble.
  
   For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved about the expensive wallpaper and how she had saved for so long to get it done. She condemned his actions and total lack of care and respect. The more she scolded the angrier she became.

   Then she stomped from his room, totally distraught. She headed for the den to confirm her fears.
  
   When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears.
  
   The message she read pierced her soul like a knife.
  
   It said, “I Love Mommy,” surrounded by a heart.  
  
   Well, needless to say, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it, with an empty picture frame hung to surround it as a reminder to her and indeed to all who saw it from that day forward to “take time to read the handwriting on the wall”.
  
   There have been many times in my life when I have been thankful for avoiding the urge to jump to conclusions too soon. I discovered that it is always better to make the RIGHT decision rather than make a QUICK decision that turns out to be wrong. I have learned that unless it is a matter of extreme urgency, I am always better off taking time to gather all of the relevant details before forming an opinion or taking action. Far too often I have found myself in situations where I wished I could have taken back my words or turned back the clock and made different choices that would have resulted in much more desirable outcomes.
  
   And so, as I related to my friend, it’s not a matter of never getting upset over things. Just ask some of my former students and they will confirm that I can certainly get upset from time to time and that I’m not always calm and relaxed. I’ve just found that taking time to “read the handwriting on the wall” before reacting to most situations is a much better way of handling everything that life throws your way.

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Every now and then we all run into problems in our life where we feel the only way out is through a miracle. Life is like that! It throws you a curve just when you least expect it and the challenge seems insurmountable. Usually, we manage to work our way through our problems and get on with our life. Often, however, we can’t explain just how we managed to overcome our trials and tribulations. For some of us, the answer actually comes in the form of  the miracle we were hoping for. 

I’m sure you will enjoy the story I found on the internet this week. It is a classic that I am sure many of you have read before, but it is one that I always love reading because it seems to have a lot of meaning in my life no matter when I come across it. The story speaks of one such miracle.

Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely our of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn’t have the money for the doctor bills and the house. Only a very costly surgery could save Andrew now and it was looking like there was no-one who would loan them the money.

Tess heard her Daddy say to her tearful mother, with whispered desperation, “Only a miracle can save him now.”

Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. She then placed the coins back in the jar and slipped out the back door, making her way six blocks to the nearest drug store.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing! She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good.

Finally, she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

“And what do you want?” the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. “I’m busy talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven’t seen in ages.”

“Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,” Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. “He’s really, really sick...and I want to buy a miracle.”

“I beg your pardon?” said the pharmacist.

“His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?”

“We don’t sell miracles here, little girl. I’m sorry I can’t help you,” the pharmacist said, softening a little.

“Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn’t enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs,” pleaded Tess.

The pharmacist’s brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, “What kind of a miracle does your brother need?”

“I don’t know,” Tess replied with her eyes welling up. “I just know he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can’t pay for it, so I want to use my money.”

“How much do you have?” asked the man from Chicago .

“One dollar and eleven cents,” Tess answered barely audibly. “And it’s all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.”

“Well, what a coincidence,” smiled the man. “A dollar and eleven cents...the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.” He took the money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said, “Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s see if I have the kind of miracle you need.”

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge and it wasn’t long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.”

“That surgery,” her Mom whispered. “Was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?”

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...one dollar and eleven cents...plus the faith of a little child.

We all experience hardships in life. But we also experience miracles. The trouble is that we often fail to recognize the miracles that come our way as we focus only on our problems. If we could only have the faith of a little child, and if we could only learn to recognize the miracles that occur in our life. Miracles need not be major earth shattering events. Miracles may actually be of the one dollar and eleven cent variety. But no matter what the cost, you can rest assured that miracles do happen, and when they come, they make a real difference in your life.

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   I was reading a beautiful story in the Sudbury Star recently about the first baby born in the City of Greater Sudbury in 2007.  Connor Ethan Dufour was born at 4:02 a.m. on the morning of January 1. The 7 lb. 7 oz. bundle of joy is the first child of two very proud Val Caron residents, Angela Tanguay and Barry Dufour.

   Barry describes the year 2006 as one of the best years of his life, and the couple is now looking forward to even greater things in 2007 as they begin their new role as parents. "We were engaged in February. Then Angie got pregnant in March. I was hired at INCO in October. And to top it all off, we have the New Year’s Baby!”
  
   Angela and Barry are sitting on top of the world right now, and nothing is going to prevent them from enjoying the precious moments to come with their new son.
  
   I’m sure many of my readers feel the same about their life right now. Things are likely going very well and you are riding an “emotional high”.

   However, I am also certain that many of you are currently experiencing some disappointments and challenges in your life. For many of you, 2006 is a year, either in total or in part, you might like to forget, and 2007 may not be starting off much better.

   Whenever I am faced with disappointment in my own life I try to remember two very important principles that I have learned over my many years of personal experience.
  
   The first is that “If you carry on, one day something good will happen. And you’ll realize that it wouldn’t have happened if not for that previous disappointment.”
  
   The second is that, “No matter how difficult the situation in which you find yourself, and no matter how hopeless it seems in the beginning, you are never given anything in life that you are not capable of handling.”
  
   As we go through our journey of life everyone, and I mean everyone experiences all sorts of major setbacks. These include loss of loved ones; financial problems; relationship difficulties; family problems; work problems; health problems; indeed it seems as if we spend most of our life overcoming difficulties and challenges.
  
   We all have those days and periods of our life when we sit back and wonder how we will ever survive. Believe me when I say that WE ALL HAVE THOSE FEELINGS from time to time. YOU ARE NOT ALONE if you are experiencing one of the “emotional lows” in your life. And it won’t be the last time either. Life has its ups and downs. Angela and Barry are certainly enjoying one of the “high points” of their life right now. But I’m sure they have had low points before and undoubtedly they will have low points again. However, they will always remember this time of their life as one of the best, and they will use these precious memories to help them get over the any challenges they face in the future.
  
   Whenever I am at one of the low points in my life, I always think about the two principles mentioned above. By having faith that something good will come, and that I am never given anything that I can’t handle, I have found that the storm does indeed subside and the sun does shine once again.

   Moreover, after I have gone through one of those difficult periods, I find that I’ve rediscovered those things in life that I truly value. I learn to value the relationships I have with the people around me far more than I value the material possessions that I have collected. By relying on the support of my loved ones to get through tough times, the good that comes out of the challenges I am facing is more often than not a strengthening of those bonds of love. I learn to value life itself, and the people who are most important to me – the very people I may have taken for granted.

   It seems as if the challenges we are given from time to time are wake up calls to help us see ourselves for who we really are and to force us to refocus our priorities. So the next time you are faced with a major difficulty in your life, remember the two principles and look around for the people who truly love you. They will be there for you. You will discover that something good will happen and that you do have the strength to carry on, no matter how bad things may appear.

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We live in a time when our life can change suddenly and without warning. This is the lottery generation when a simple piece of paper can make you rich and launch you into a completely different social status. This is the stock market generation when a jump in stock value followed by quick sale can make you a millionaire or put you in the poor house overnight. This is also generation where people live in fear of catastrophe every time they drive a car, walk down a street at night, go to work or merely go to sleep at night in the privacy of their own home. Change often comes suddenly and without warning.

Too often I have spoken to people who were distraught at the loss of a loved one and who were beating themselves up for not spending more time with them in the final days before their death. They spend agonizing days, weeks and sometimes years in what I call the "If I knew it would be the last time.." depression.

Many years ago I decided that I would adopt the "What if this is the last time..." philosophy of life. I have discovered that it leaves me at peace with the world more often and provides me with a healthy perspective on life. It is difficult at times to maintain this philosophy, and every so often I find myself regretting some action or comment that I have made. At those times I say to myself, "What if this is the last time I ever see that person? Is that how I want to be remembered, or how I want to remember him/her?"

I invite my readers to consider adopting this philosophy, even for a short trial period. See if it changes the way you look at life.

When you tuck your child in tonight, ask yourself what you would do if you knew this might be the last time you ever saw your child fall asleep. Would you give him/her an extra hug? Would you take a few minutes to lie beside your child? Would you be in such a hurry to get back to the television set?

When you leave for work in the morning, if you knew this might be the last time you ever said good-bye, would you get up a few minutes earlier so that you would have time to say good-bye to everyone and wish them all the best for the day? Would you say, "I love you" one extra time to your spouse? Would you get upset because your favourite shirt wasn’t ironed? Would you smile and wave as you were pulling out of the driveway?

When you have an argument or disagreement with a friend, a co-worker, or a loved one, if you knew this might be the last time you would see that person, would you make an extra effort to solve the problem before you left? Would you apologize for your actions or comments before you left? Would you roll over and go to sleep knowing that you have upset your spouse?

You must always remember that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Today may be the last day of your life or the last day in the life of a loved one. You may never get a second chance to say "I love you"; to spend time with your children; to spend time with your spouse; or to spend time with your parents.

So if you are waiting until tomorrow to do something special for a loved one, why not do it today? If you want to say you are sorry for something you did, why not do it today? If you have been trying to find time to make that phone call or write that letter, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you will surely regret that you didn’t take the extra time to grant to someone, what may have turned out to be their last wish.  

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   I once noted in a poll taken by the Southam News that 92% of respondents believe Canadian parents today are under more financial and emotional stress than post-war families of 60 years ago. The results of the poll indicated that many Canadians are suffering from chronic emotional health problems because of the pressure on families today.

   When asked to identify the causes of the stress, respondents indicated that parents are working too hard, too long for too little money; there is a severe lack of job security; there is excessive taxation; many are facing child-rearing problems; and there are a large percentage of families dealing with divorce and marriage breakdowns. It is easy to come to the conclusion that family life is in crisis.

   It is a fact of life that no family escapes from the stress of everyday life. But most will agree that at no time in the year is the stress upon families and individuals greater than it is during the Christmas holiday season.

   As much as people may look forward to Christmas, and even though it is a time for people to get together and visit with friends and relatives, few will argue that Christmas is also one of the most hectic, stress-filled times of the year. If you disagree, just look at the people you come across over the next several days and see how many “happy” faces you can find.

   If you are going to make it through another holiday rush, you must develop strong survival techniques which will control your stress level and allow you to enjoy the beautiful moments of the season. In other words, you must become a calming influence in the middle of a stressful storm of commotion.

   The most important thing you must do is convince yourself that it is absolutely useless to get upset about things that are beyond your control. You can’t always get your own way, no matter how much you complain or wish you could change things. If you must go shopping between now and Christmas, don’t complain about the crowds, the traffic, the high prices, the rudeness or the chaos of life. When you are the tenth person in line at the check-out counter, accept the fact that this is the way it is and nothing you can do will change it. Once you surrender to this actuality you will find a strange sense of peace take over your body.

   Take the little things that happen every day in stride and accept them for what they are - simply life happening. Next time one of your children accidentally knocks over one of your favourite glasses causing it to break on the floor, don’t get all upset and rant and rave about the carelessness of today’s youth. Accept it for what it is - a moment of life that includes a broken glass. Use it to show your child how to carefully pick up the pieces and dispose of them so as not to endanger anyone else. Show the child how to get every last little sliver off the floor. And while you are doing it, think about how many times in your own life you accidentally broke items around the house. It may actually be hard to hide your smile. When it is all over, give your child a hug and remind him or her to be more careful next time.

   If you can change your reactions to negative events so that your response reflects a calm and peaceful acceptance, you will discover that the solutions to these negative moments are readily at hand. And even in the midst of the chaos of Christmas holidays, you will be amazed at how much easier your life will become. Start today! Stop the negativity before it has a chance to spiral out of control. Make Christmas 2006 a truly peaceful time in your family.

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I once noted in a poll taken by the Southam News that 92% of respondents believe Canadian parents today are under more financial and emotional stress than post-war families of 60 years ago. The results of the poll indicated that many Canadians are suffering from chronic emotional health problems because of the pressure on families today.

   When asked to identify the causes of the stress, respondents indicated that parents are working too hard, too long for too little money; there is a severe lack of job security; there is excessive taxation; many are facing child-rearing problems; and there are a large percentage of families dealing with divorce and marriage breakdowns. It is easy to come to the conclusion that family life is in crisis.

   It is a fact of life that no family escapes from the stress of everyday life. But most will agree that at no time in the year is the stress upon families and individuals greater than it is during the Christmas holiday season.

   As much as people may look forward to Christmas, and even though it is a time for people to get together and visit with friends and relatives, few will argue that Christmas is also one of the most hectic, stress-filled times of the year. If you disagree, just look at the people you come across over the next several days and see how many “happy” faces you can find.

   If you are going to make it through another holiday rush, you must develop strong survival techniques which will control your stress level and allow you to enjoy the beautiful moments of the season. In other words, you must become a calming influence in the middle of a stressful storm of commotion.

   The most important thing you must do is convince yourself that it is absolutely useless to get upset about things that are beyond your control. You can’t always get your own way, no matter how much you complain or wish you could change things. If you must go shopping between now and Christmas, don’t complain about the crowds, the traffic, the high prices, the rudeness or the chaos of life. When you are the tenth person in line at the check-out counter, accept the fact that this is the way it is and nothing you can do will change it. Once you surrender to this actuality you will find a strange sense of peace take over your body.

   Take the little things that happen every day in stride and accept them for what they are - simply life happening. Next time one of your children accidentally knocks over one of your favourite glasses causing it to break on the floor, don’t get all upset and rant and rave about the carelessness of today’s youth. Accept it for what it is - a moment of life that includes a broken glass. Use it to show your child how to carefully pick up the pieces and dispose of them so as not to endanger anyone else. Show the child how to get every last little sliver off the floor. And while you are doing it, think about how many times in your own life you accidentally broke items around the house. It may actually be hard to hide your smile. When it is all over, give your child a hug and remind him or her to be more careful next time.

   If you can change your reactions to negative events so that your response reflects a calm and peaceful acceptance, you will discover that the solutions to these negative moments are readily at hand. And even in the midst of the chaos of Christmas holidays, you will be amazed at how much easier your life will become. Start today! Stop the negativity before it has a chance to spiral out of control. Make Christmas 2006 a truly peaceful time in your family.

BACK TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
  

   I just finished reading what must be the shortest story in the world. It is a story that was written by M. Stanley Bubien and is entitled, “The Unhappiest Man Who Ever Lived”. Let me share the story with you.

   “Forgive? Never!”
  
   How is that for a powerful story?
  
   Let me tell you the story again.
  
   “Forgive? Never!”

   Yes, these are definitely the words one would expect to be spoken by ‘The Unhappiest Man Who Ever Lived”. Do you know him? Have you ever met him?

   To further illustrate the message of this wonderful story, let me share with you another short passage I came across recently. The author of this story is unknown, but I am sure each of us in our own small way can identify with the moral.

The story is entitled, ‘Are Your Potatoes Heavy?’

   “A college teacher brought a couple of huge sacks of potatoes to class one day. She told her students to think of people they have refused to forgive for whatever it was that they said or did to them. All of the students could think of quite a number of people who had done something to them that was absolutely unforgivable. The teacher then instructed the students to take one potato from the sack for each person for whom they could not forgive and write the name of that person on the potato. Each student then put their potatoes inside a clear plastic bag and were told to carry that bag with them everywhere they went for one full week. They were to put the bag beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to their desk at work, at the dinner table, etc.

   The students experienced the inconvenience of lugging this bag of potatoes around with them. Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty smelly slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for the emotional baggage we carry around with us when we refuse to forgive others for the pain they have caused during our life’s experiences. The message came across loud and clear to the students who suddenly realized that while we often think of forgiveness as a gift TO the other person, it is actually a gift FOR ourselves to get rid of these nasty feelings that we harbour inside.”

   It is too easy to blame others for our problems. When this becomes a personal habit, we tend to blame others for all of our anger, frustration, depression, stress and unhappiness. If something is missing, someone else must have moved it; if your marriage did not work out, it was your spouse’s fault; if you lose your job, it was your employer who was to blame; and so on.

   Personal happiness and peace cannot be achieved as long as you are blaming others. In order to be at peace with yourself, you must accept responsibility for your own actions as well as for your reactions to others around you. To carry on the hatred is like carrying around a bag of potatoes. Until you forgive the person and get rid of the potato, it will be a burden on your life and will follow you wherever you go. Forgiving the person who has done you wrong is not so much a gift to that person, but a gift to yourself so that you can rid yourself of this heavy burden and not allow it to consume so much of your life. You can apply this philosophy to virtually all situations in which you find yourself unable to forgive another person.

   Blaming others is very stressful and takes a tremendous amount of mental energy. It also leaves you powerless over your own life in that you soon feel that your own happiness is controlled by the actions of others. When you stop blaming others, you will regain control of your personal power and take charge of your own happiness. You will also find that life is much more fun when you stop blaming others and forgive them for what they have done.

   So, next time you think you are so angry that you feel someone has done something to you that can never be forgiven, remember the story about ‘The Unhappiest Man Who Ever Lived’. Get rid of your potatoes and enjoy life.

BACK TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
 

   As I was sorting out one of the bookshelves, I came across several beat-up old binders that contained photos that had been taken many years ago while our children were growing up. My wife had organized them into different years and special moments in the lives of our family. As I looked at the expressions on the faces of the “young children” in the photos, it made me realize just how many “special moments” there were in my life as a parent.  The old photos brought back a lot of memories, but I couldn’t help but notice that the expressions on the faces of my children seemed to indicate that they were enjoying themselves much more than I was.

   Then, as I turned one of the pages in the album, a wrinkled old paper fell out that put everything into perspective.
  
   It contained a story about an old man who was going through a stack of boxes in his attic, coming upon one old photograph album after another, much like what I was just doing in the basement. He was actually looking for an old photo of his wife, who had recently passed away due to a lengthy illness.  Let me share the rest of the story with you…
  
   Silent as a mouse, he patiently opened the long-buried treasures and soon was lost in a sea of memories.  Setting aside one of the dusty albums, he pulled from the box what appeared to be a journal from his grown son's childhood. He could not recall ever having seen it before, or that his son had ever kept a journal.
  
   “Why did Elizabeth always save the children's old junk?” he wondered, shaking his white head. Opening the yellowed pages, he glanced over a short entry, and his lips curved in an unconscious smile. Even his eyes brightened as he read the words that spoke clear and sweet to his soul.
  
   It was the voice of the little boy who had grown up far too fast in this very house, and whose voice had grown fainter and fainter over the years. In the utter silence of the attic, the words of an innocent six-year-old worked their magic and carried the old man back to a time almost totally forgotten.
  
   Entry after entry stirred a sentimental hunger in his heart, but it was accompanied by the painful memory that his son's simple recollections of those days were far different from his own. But how different?
  
   Reminded that he had kept a daily journal of his business activities over the years, he closed his son's journal and turned to leave, having forgotten the cherished photo that originally triggered his search.
  
   Hunched over to keep from bumping his head on the rafters, the old man stepped to the wooden stairway and made his descent, then headed down a carpeted stairway that led to the den.
  
   Opening a glass cabinet door, he reached in and pulled out an old business journal. Turning, he sat down at his desk and placed the two journals beside each other.
  
   His was leather bound and engraved neatly with his name in gold, while his son's was tattered and the name "Jimmy" had been nearly scuffed from its surface. He ran a long skinny finger over the letters, as though he could restore what had been worn away with time and use.
  
   As he opened his journal, the old man's eyes fell upon an inscription that stood out because it was so brief in comparison to other days. In his own neat handwriting were these words:  

Wasted the whole day fishing with Jimmy. Didn't catch a thing.
  
   With a deep sigh and a shaking hand, he took Jimmy's journal and found the boy's entry for the same day, June 4. Large scrawling letters pressed deeply in the paper read:  

Went fishing with my dad. Best day of my life!
  
   This week I want to leave one simple message to all young parents reading this editorial. 

Please don't ever forget to make time for the most important people in your life...you never know the impact the moments you share together will have on both of you. 

And to all of the older parents, and fellow grandparents, it’s never too late to make time. 

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  Take a few minutes to reflect back upon your life and think about some of the achievements and accomplishments that gave you the most satisfaction. Chances are the times that come to mind are those when you were allowed the freedom to assume full responsibility for the results of your actions. Those are most likely the times when you were given a job to do and allowed the freedom to “do it your way”.

   I know in my own life I have always worked best when I was given a job to do, told the parameters within which I was to operate, and then permitted to make things happen in my own way. The times that have caused me the most stress and produced varying degrees of confrontation with my superiors were times when I was given the responsibility to do something and then “told how” to do it by the person in charge.

   In my many roles in life, as a father, a teacher, a business owner or a tutoring agent, I have always, always, always believed that if I was going to hold someone accountable for results I couldn’t supervise their methods. In other words, if I gave someone a task and told them that I was going to hold them responsible for the results, I had to at least allow them to do the job THEIR WAY, not mine. I may not have done the job in the same manner, but as long as they are not in any danger of hurting themselves or someone else, then I had to give them all of the help and support they needed and then demonstrate my confidence in their ability by GETTING OUT OF THE WAY and letting them do their job. Even if it meant that they failed, I would at least have demonstrated that I had faith and confidence in them to let them try it their way. If they failed, then they could try another way. Eventually they would get the job done and feel good about themselves. It may have taken longer, but they were better sons, students, employees or tutors for the experience.

   The problem we have in many areas of society today is that the LEADERS of business, government and even volunteer organizations spend far too much time finding fault and criticizing. It has reached such epidemic proportions that when I read the following story I couldn’t bring myself to laugh. Even though it is one of the funniest stories I ever read, it is SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH that is just not funny.
  
   This is a story about two employees of a landscaping company and their supervisor, Sam. However, it could apply to many management / employee situations, including perhaps the one in which you currently find yourself.
  
   “Sam, a supervisor, was dumbfounded as he watched Bill diligently dig holes while Chuck, after waiting a short interval, filled them. When Sam demanded an explanation, Bill was indignant: "We’ve been doing this job for more than 10 years. What’s your problem?"
  
   "Are you telling me that for 10 years you’ve been digging and filling empty holes?" Sam replied.
  
   "Well, not exactly," Bill said. "Until a few months ago, another fellow put a bush in the hole before Chuck filled it. But he retired and was never replaced."
  
   "Why didn’t you tell somebody?" Sam sputtered.
  
   "My gosh," Bill answered. "You’re management. We figured you knew."
  
   THIS WOULD BE FUNNY IF IT WASN’T SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH. Management styles today are often built upon control, especially when the positions of responsibility are filled with people who just don’t have what it takes to lead people. In many situations, when employees make mistakes, instead of using the occasion as a learning opportunity, managers often place blame upon the employees and make them feel inadequate or fearful of losing their job in order to demonstrate who is in power. Offering suggestions to a manager like this is useless since they feel that by accepting advice from employees they are demonstrating weakness as a leader.

    After a few years of this kind of treatment employees learn to adopt the attitude that in order to protect themselves from criticism, they will ONLY DO WHAT THEY ARE TOLD.  Hence, you get people like Bill and Chuck who simply continue doing what they’ve always done, even if it doesn’t make sense. After all, they can’t be blamed for anything as long as they are doing what they were told to do. It’s not their fault if things go wrong while they are following orders from management.

   We all find ourselves in “management” roles of some kind during our life. Regardless of the situation, you should remember that if you give someone a job to do, don’t supervise their methods. Let them do the job THEIR WAY as long as they produce the desired results. Give them the support they need and be there if they ask for advice, but don’t interfere unless YOU are willing to accept responsibility for the results.  

BACK TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS
  

   I learned a long time ago through my involvement with people in all walks of life…whether it was at work, at school, at home or in any other part of life, that there is absolutely one thing everyone and I mean everyone needs in this world. It doesn’t matter what age you are, or whether you are a man or woman, girl or boy, nor does it matter what your status is in society…the one thing we all need is to feel appreciated.   

   Mary Kay Ash once wrote, “Everyone has an invisible sign hanging around their neck saying MAKE ME FEEL IMPORTANT.”
  
   In my line of work I meet a lot of people who are in between jobs. Many were once in pretty decent occupations earning a substantial income and all indications were that they were successful at what they did. Most of those people identified one main reason for leaving their employment – a lack of appreciation and acknowledgement for their contributions to the company or organization.

   A quotation I read the other day by George Adams got me thinking about the various directions I have taken in my own life and career. Adams stated, “There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else.”

   Adams was absolutely correct. As I thought back on some of the times in my life I considered to be “high points” I could clearly recall that is was encouragement provided by others that gave me the confidence to move ahead with my dreams. It seems as if there was always someone there to give me the strength and courage I needed at just the right time. I wondered what might have become of me if I hadn’t received that little bit of encouragement. What if I was left on my own to muster up the courage? Would I have been able to accomplish all that I have done in my life?
 
  Dale Carnegie, the person who became famous for his inspirational books and programs has empowered people all over the world. He once said, “Perhaps tomorrow you will forget the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”  When I read Carnegie’s comment I decided to reflect upon my activities during the previous few days. Where there moments during those days when I may have said something that could possibly have had a life-changing effect on another person with whom I had come in contact?
  
   I recalled that the previous morning I had a meeting with a recent graduate of Teachers’ College to interview her for a position with my tutoring agency.  We had never met before, yet when our eyes met in the crowded room at Tim Horton’s I knew right away who she was. As we sat down to talk I explained to her that out of all of the people in the room, she was the one who stood out because she “looked like a teacher”. I said that as a very positive comment about the “presence” she portrayed and the way she carried herself. She thanked me and then we went on with our meeting. But I could tell that my comment meant a lot to her.

   And then there was the young lady a few days earlier who stopped by my office to register as a tutor. After talking with her for a while I encouraged her to develop a seminar presentation that we could offer to schools in the area as part of a full-day workshop. She was absolutely thrilled with the prospect of getting involved in a project about which she was so passionate. I felt good about being able to provide her with the motivation to proceed with this venture, and then as she was leaving she turned to me and said four words that have echoed in my head ever since. She simply said, with a sincere smile of appreciation, “You are so inspiring!”

   Two seemingly uneventful moments in my life: and yet in those moments one lady who has thus far been unsuccessful in her search for a chance to begin her career in teaching may have received the strength and inspiration to carry on pursuing her dream of one day being in front of a class: just because I told her that she “looked like a teacher” and that she has obviously made the right career choice. I wonder if the other young lady will be inspired by my encouragement to fuel her passion for teaching natural science and perhaps spread her knowledge and enthusiasm among many other young students as a result of our meeting.

   All I know for certain is that I will never forget the tremendous feeling of appreciation I felt when I heard those four words directed at me.
  
   It clearly made me aware of the enormous responsibility we all possess. Each and every one of us has the power to change a life with a single comment: the chance to encourage and show appreciation to all other human beings with whom we come into contact.
  
   I leave you this week with a short passage from John Wesley: “Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.”

BACK TO PART TWO TABLE OF CONTENTS

Have you ever experienced disappointment in your life? Have you ever had any of your personal, family or career dreams go up in smoke?

   I suppose it’s only human nature to complain about how rough life is. After all, we never have enough money, or time, or opportunity to do everything we want. And so many of us recall times when we had to suddenly cancel a trip or dinner engagement because of some unforeseen happening.
  
   I meet a lot of people from all walks of life because of my involvement in education. Many of them tell me of how they had big plans in their life for wonderful careers, huge homes and plenty of fame and recognition. Those plans changed because of some major event that forced them to take on a whole new direction.

   I want to share a story with you today which shows us that if we spend too much time mourning our losses, or wishing we were somewhere else, we will miss out on so many of the special things that exist in our own life, even if it is not quite the life we had planned and dreamed about.

   This is an adaptation of a story is entitled, “Welcome To Holland ”. It was written by Emily Perl Kingsley, who was describing what it was like when she gave birth to a daughter with Down Syndrome. The message will touch the heart of everyone who remembers dreaming of a life that is much different from the one in which they are living.
  
   When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy . You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum; the Michelangelo; David; the gondolas in Venice ; and more. You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting as you plan for this wonderful trip that will change your life forever.

   After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland .”

   “ Holland ?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland ? I signed up for Italy ! I’m supposed to be in Italy . All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy .”

   But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

   The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place. It’s just not where you had expected to land.

   So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

   It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy and less flashy than Italy . But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

   But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy ...and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

   And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

   But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy , you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland .

   Emily dreamed all her life about becoming a mother with a normal child and doing all of the things that mothers do with their daughter. But that’s not what happened and she learned to accept this change and enjoy everything about her new arrival. She was still a mother and this was still her daughter, only it was different.
  
   This story is not just about people who have children with a disability. It is for anyone who has experienced real pain in life. It is for anyone who has lost a loved one; experienced a divorce; been in an accident; is suffering from a life-threatening disease; had to move away from home; or any number of other major life-altering events. It is about making new plans and reading new guide books. It is about letting everyone else talk about their trip to Italy while you are taking time to enjoy the windmills and tulips of Holland .

   For no matter how much pain you feel, or how bad your situation may seem to you at times, there are always beautiful, special windmills and tulips in your world. All you have to do is stop mourning and accept that this is the way it will be.

   Welcome to Holland ! You’ll be here for a long time so enjoy your stay.  

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      One day, many years ago, I came upon a cocoon on an old log in my yard. The cocoon was moving and I could see that a butterfly was trying to break out of the cocoon to begin its short, but wonderful life flying among the flowers.
 
   I went up to the cocoon and gently pulled apart the opening to help the butterfly emerge. It appeared grateful for the favour as it burst out of the cocoon and onto the log where it stretched its wings in the sun. And then the saddest thing happened.
 
   Try as it might, this beautiful butterfly was unable to fly. It was unable to flap its wings and stumbled in its attempts to become airborne. Eventually it gave up and died.
 
   I then realized that my well-intentioned assistance in helping the butterfly get out of the cocoon actually caused the death of this beautiful insect. Nature, you see, created a cocoon that would be difficult to get out of precisely so that the wings of the butterfly would be strengthened through the struggle. By the time the butterfly battled its way out of the cocoon, the wings would be strong enough to allow the butterfly to fly. By pulling the cocoon apart, the butterfly was allowed to escape its prison, but once outside it didn’t have the strength to fly. Had I simply stood back and watched the butterfly struggle with the cocoon, the insect would have gone through the natural process of “growing up” and would have been strong enough to survive on its own. I was simply in too much of a hurry and did not allow the butterfly the time it needed to evolve.
 
   Memories of that afternoon watching a beautiful butterfly die because of my “help” came vividly to mind a couple of weeks ago during a trip to I made to Toronto with my granddaughter who just turned three years old. The two of us were on our way to visit her parents, her little sister, Hannah, and my wife (Grandma) who had been gone for over a week. We were all anxious to get together again and as I pulled out of Mamere and Papere’s driveway in Chelmsford , Hailee and I were both excited about the trip and couldn’t wait to arrive at our destination.
 
   When we completed the “SEVEN” hour trip to Toronto later that day the reunion was absolutely wonderful and I can sincerely say that I enjoyed every single minute of that long journey. I also realized that the butterfly emerging from a cocoon has a lot in common with a young child growing up. Just as it is with the butterfly, you must allow a child the opportunity to struggle and evolve, even if it means taking an extra couple of hours to get to Toronto .
 
   Hailee is at that “I want to do it myself” stage of life. And if you can just get over the “hurry-up syndrome” we acquire as adults, it is wonderful to witness. Who knew that the putting a straw into the hole in a juice box for the very first time could be such an earth-shattering event? Or being strong enough to actually open the fridge door for the first time? Or that putting on your own shoes – on the right feet no less – would be so satisfying?
 
   I will never forget the look on her face the day she was able to climb into my truck by herself. She finally stood up on my seat, holding onto the steering wheel and declared proudly, “I did it!” And when she could actually put her own seat belt on – what a moment!
 
   Have you ever watched a three-year old struggle to sip a McDonald’s milkshake through a straw? It is hard enough for an adult. And yet every time the icy solution touched her lips you could see the delight in her eyes. I learned that you can’t hurry a child through a milkshake.
 
   Yes, the trip to Toronto took almost seven hours. Her 5^th and final “pee break” came while we were caught in rush hour traffic on the 401. When I heard the dreaded “Grandpa, I have to go pee” for the third time in five minutes I knew I had no choice but to pull off on to the busy Allen Road. Soon we found a place where I could use my truck to shield her from public view and let her relieve herself in the grass under an overpass. I can’t wait for the right moment to remind her about what her grandpa had to do to make sure that she didn’t wet her pants. I think I will wait until her wedding day. It will be a good toast to the bride.
 
    We were both extremely happy to finally be reunited with the rest of our family. But as I pulled into the parking lot at the end of the journey I also felt a sense of sadness that the trip was coming to an end. It was a remarkable journey and definitely a highlight of my life. I just know that the next time I travel to Toronto , the five hour trip will seem empty without her.

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   I think we have all heard the saying, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."  This cliché is constantly being used by inspirational speakers and writers to convince us that we should appreciate the truly remarkable moments in our life and cherish them forever.
  
   Last weekend I came across an essay written by an unknown author that made me look at life from a whole different perspective. The writer contended that our lives are not really measured by the number of breaths we take or even by the number of moments that take our breath away, but rather our lives are measured by what happens during ordinary days. After all, we certainly have more plain ordinary days than we have special days or moments that take our breath away.  
  
   While we will always look forward to those beautiful milestones in our life, such as the birth of a child, a graduation, a wedding, a birthday or anniversary celebration, they are few and far between for most of us.

   In fact, we spend the vast majority of our time on this earth living normal, ordinary days which turn quickly into normal, ordinary years. We simply go about our business of being parents, spouses, employees and friends and life goes on.

   Therefore if we are going to accurately measure our life; it is what we do with these ordinary days that will actually define us. Your life is therefore defined by the sum of all of your ordinary days. We are who we are because of those typical days, not the moments that take our breath away or the number of years we have been alive.
  
   A few days after reading that essay my wife and I found ourselves looking after our two grandchildren on a Saturday night. We both enjoy the time we get to spend with our granddaughters during these “sleepovers” and our two little angels can’t wait to go to “Grandma and Grandpa’s”.
  
   It so happened that on this particular evening our eldest granddaughter who is almost three years old didn’t want to go to bed. Try as we might, she just wouldn’t cooperate. So rather than fighting (fellow grandparents will understand this unwillingness to fight with grandchildren), we just told her she could sit quietly on the rocking chair with her head on a pillow and watch television. The hockey game was on so I am sure it was absolutely boring for her, but she didn’t mind because at least she didn’t have to go to bed.
  
   While she was sitting there, I reached my foot over and began gently rocking the chair in the hope that she would fall asleep and we could carry her to bed.

   It was at that moment when I flashed back in time and vividly recalled standing in the hallway at the hospital, looking into the room at my daughter-in-law moments after she had delivered her first-born baby. My daughter-in-law will tell you that she never looked so awful and exhausted, with her hair a complete mess, but when I saw her holding my first granddaughter, the two of them were the most beautiful sight I could ever imagine. I told her that there is nothing in this world more beautiful than a new mother holding her child.

   Now, almost three years later, I looked over at this wonderful little girl, curled up in the rocking chair, eyes slowly closing while Grandpa was gently rocking her with his outstretched toes. I thought about my one year old granddaughter already asleep in her crib in another room. It was then that the significance of the essay hit me. This was just an ordinary day in my life. It was almost 10 p.m. and our granddaughter was giving us a hard time about going to bed. But at that very moment, as I gazed upon her innocent face with her eyes closed I felt the same as I had at the moment of her birth, looking at her in the arms of her mother. As ordinary as the day may have seemed, I couldn’t have imagined myself being happier or more at peace than I was right then and there. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

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   As the world seems to shrink thanks in large part to the internet and satellite communication technology which allows us to effortlessly connect to anyone and everyone on this planet, I have noticed that it is getting more and more difficult to feel as if you “belong” to anything. 
  
   What I mean is that in the “old days” which were not that long ago, there was a kind of community spirit that developed among residents who lived in close proximity to each other. You walked down the street and you knew everyone you met. You felt safe and comfortable knowing that everyone would be there to help each other in times of need and truly cared about their neighbours. The rest of the world seemed far away and we could be content living in our own “little corner of the world”, away from the craziness of society.

   We seem to have lost a lot of that “community comfort and security”. Today we know more about the rest of the world than we know about our own neighbourhood. The rapid development of communication technology has allowed us to withdraw from our “own community” and enter whatever other part of the world we want, simply by turning on the computer or watching CNN and other satellite television. There is no longer any need to “belong” to the community in which we live. Indeed, many multi-national corporations are operating via the internet out of homes just like the one you are living in right now, right in your own neighbourhood and you have no idea about the “global community” to which they belong. Things look the same from the outside as they did years ago, but something very important is missing.
   
   Let me use the following story to illustrate the message I want to leave you with this week.
   
   There once was a slave named Androcles who escaped from his master and fled into the forest. As he was wandering about he came upon a lion lying down moaning and groaning. At first he turned to run away, but when he noticed that the lion did not chase him, he turned back and went up to the mighty beast. As Androcles came near, the lion put out his paw, which was all swollen and bleeding. When he looked at the paw he saw a huge thorn which was stuck in it causing all the pain. Androcles pulled out the thorn and bound up the paw of the lion who was soon able to rise and lick the hand of Androcles like a dog. The lion then took Androcles to his cave and every day brought him meat on which to survive. Shortly afterwards, both Androcles and the lion were captured and the slave was sentenced to be thrown to the lion which had been kept without food for several days. The Emperor and his people came to see the spectacle. Androcles was led out into the middle of the arena. Soon the lion was released from his den and rushed bounding and roaring towards his victim. But as soon as the lion came near to Androcles, he recognized his friend and fawned upon him, licking his hands like a friendly dog. When the Emperor was told the whole story, Androcles was set free and the lion let loose to return to his native forest.
   
   This story holds a great deal of significance for the people living in Valley East today.  Our community should be all about businesses and residents living in harmony in a circle of support. The businesses of Valley East exist to provide goods and services to the families who live in this community.  Consumers who shop locally help keep the businesses viable and healthy by increasing their sales.  As businesses increase their sales, it enables them to expand, put more people to work and contribute back to the community through sponsorships, donations and other forms of support.
   
   By reaching out to help each other; in other words with residents who are willing to support local businesses and with businesses who are willing to provide local residents with good value for the goods and services purchased, we will all benefit from the power of this Community Circle of Support and move forward into a brighter future with confidence that we are all in this together.
   
     I am therefore asking all businesses to make a sincere effort to increase the level of awareness among local residents of the goods and services you have available. I ask all resident to please consider those goods and services before you make purchases elsewhere. Soon, we may rediscover the “feeling that we belong” to this great community of Valley East.

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    An old legend tells of a tribe of people that was continually at war with other tribes. This aggressive tribe murdered and destroyed neighbouring tribes and villages. They had no morals, love or compassion and were extremely greedy and cruel in their pursuit of success.
  
   A dismayed wise man of a good tribe called a conference of reasonable people in tribes throughout the region. They met to see what they could do to save the people of this aggressive tribe from themselves. After much discussion, they decided to take the secret of personal success and happiness away from those who abused it and hide it from them. One wise man at the meeting asked, “Where can we put it so they won’t find it?”
  
   One person suggested it be buried deep in the earth; another suggested it be placed on the top of a high mountain. Some suggested it be thrown into the ocean. After all of the suggestions it was agreed that the secret of happiness and success could be too easily found if it was hidden in any of these obvious places.
  
   Finally, one wise old man who had kept quiet during the conference said, “Let’s hide the secret within the people of the aggressive tribe themselves. People like this will never think to look for happiness and success within themselves.”
  
   To this day, the violent tribe has continued to pursue success and happiness in many places, never guessing that they possess this true secret to success and happiness within themselves.
  
   This simple legend tells us a great deal about human nature. So often we spend our days running to and fro attempting to find success and happiness by spending countless hours in an attempt to increase our salary level; being ruthless in our business deals; trying to gain the upper hand on business associates; attempting to beat the stock market; and making sure we have the newest and most expensive collection of toys and gadgets over which to gloat when talking to our neighbours and acquaintances.
  
   Yet, just as it was with the violent tribe, no matter how much we have, or how powerful we become, we just don’t seem to be truly happy. We want more happiness and more success and are committed to investing more time and energy in finding this happiness and success.
  
  All of this simply points out how smart the wise old man in the legend really was. He knew that most people think the secret of happiness and success must be searched for and can only be acquired by taking it from someone else. Little do we know that the real secret of happiness and success is actually buried deep within our own self and does not depend on what we have, but on who we are as individuals.
  
   As we move through our life's journey there will be many opportunities for personal reflection. It is a time when most of us take a good long look in the mirror and review our situation in life. We will talk at length with family and friends about initiatives we intend to undertake in the future to improve ourselves. Most of our plans will be designed to make us happier and more successful in our personal and business ventures.
  
   Whenever you are immersed in one of those moments of true peace, stop immediately and ask yourself what it is that is making you feel so good at the time. Ask yourself why, at that particular moment, you feel so good and so satisfied. What makes that particular moment in time so different from the others? You will discover that those moments of extreme happiness and joy are times when you have truly discovered yourself. Those are times when you are not being defined by ‘what you have’ but by ‘who you are’ and ‘what you mean to other loved ones in your life’.
  
   In our search for happiness, let’s not overlook the hiding place that is closest to our heart. For if you really want to find happiness and success, you must look inward, not outward.

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   November 20 is National Child Day. If you are like most parents you may take the position that “every day” is child day. When do we get a “National Adult Day”?

   Nevertheless, even though the designation of November 20 as National Child Day is part of an act of the Parliament of Canada that was passed in 1993 to draw attention to the rights of so many disadvantaged children in the world, it is a good time for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and good friends to sit back and take a good long look at these “little people” who will soon become adults just like the rest of us.

   National Child Day is a time for us to celebrate children for who they are – right now!

   We can learn a lot from watching a child. One thing we learn is that for children, life is made up of individual moments, and the most precious of those moments is the one that is occurring now - in “real time”. Not yesterday’s or tomorrow’s moment, but the one that is happening right now!

   Children, especially young children, live in the present. They devote their entire energy to enjoying the best that the present has to offer. They do not let worries about the past bother them. Nor do they let concerns about the future get in the way of their savouring of the present moment. As I watch my granddaughter sitting quietly on the couch eating her “goldfish crackers” and drinking her “juice”, she could care less about what is on television, the toys strewn all over the living room floor or that it is almost bed time. She just calmly accepts that now is the time to simply enjoy her crackers and juice and nothing else matters.
  
   It’s is hard to imagine how children can be so wise at such a young age. And equally hard to understand how, as we grow older, we seem to lose a lot of that wisdom. For example, children seem to understand that life is a series of experiences, each important unto itself, and each deserving of one’s total attention. By devoting their energy to what they are doing at the moment, and then moving on with the same zestful approach to the next, children get the most out of everything they do and end up with the best chance of developing a very healthy personality and character. They show a lot of wisdom about how to get the most out of life and how to become the “best you can be”.
  
   So what happens to this wisdom as we grow older and become adults. Why do we keep worrying about what went on yesterday; what we are doing tomorrow; mistakes we have made in the past; and concerns about how we will manage tomorrow? How is it that we can be so wise as children and then as adults we forget how important it is to focus on the present?

   As adults we have the “intellectual capacity” to identify meaningful goals and plans for the future; to have routines that will ensure that our home is clean and orderly; to shop for nutritious food in order to prepare meals for our family; to find suitable employment in order to provide the basic necessities of survival; and to organize a stimulating environment for our children. And yet, we seem to lose some of the “wisdom” we had as a child. We lose the wisdom that helps us get the most out of what we do during the day; to go from one experience to another, allowing those experiences to add to our “total being” and help fulfill our basic human instinct to grow as individuals.

   And so, this weekend, I would urge all parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and adults everywhere to find one or more children and simply “be with them”, even if only for a short while. Learn all you can from them. Watch the “Dora” video for the 200^th time. Put the puzzle of the “wheat field” together for the 10^th time. Build the tower of blocks and knock them down ten or twenty times in a row, and laugh yourself silly with the child each time. And sit down once in a while on the couch to enjoy the “goldfish crackers” and “grape juice”.
  
   Do all of this and I guarantee that you will indeed feel as if you have just celebrated “National Adult Day”. I have to go now. My granddaughter wants to press the up and down arrows on the keyboard so that she can see pictures of her “Grandpa” on the computer screen.  

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    Henry Drummond once wrote, “You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments that stand out are the moments when you have done things for others.”

   I thought about that quote the other day as I sat in the parish hall at PAROISSE STE-MARGUERITE-D'YOUVILLE during the Chevaliers de Colomb Spaghetti Dinner. Close to 500 people enjoyed a dinner that was prepared and served by members of the parish who were volunteering their time for this event. Despite the energy it took to put this wonderful dinner on, not one of those volunteers looked tired. They were all smiling and joking with everyone in the hall and just seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.

   While I was eating my spaghetti, my thoughts drifted back a couple of weeks in time to the PAROISSE STE-JACQUES parish hall, where I had once again come across some hard working volunteers who had organized a special fund-raising event in support of Monique Laderoute who was forced to evacuate from her home in Lebanon. Once again, I recalled that all of those people who were giving of their time to help Monique seemed to be so happy and at peace with what they were doing.
  
   Just last week I watched the volunteers from LE CENTRE CLUB AGE d'OR DE LA VALLEE put on a marvelous luncheon for visitors from Greater Sudbury Community Living association.

   I thought about the ladies from St. James in The Valley United Church; and the members of the Valley East Lions Club; and ALL of the volunteers from the various groups and organizations who have chosen to work for the benefit of others. I remembered Anne Unwin and her volunteers at the Good Neighbours Food Bank, dealing with the despair of people who were down on their luck and in need of emergency food supplies. Not one of Anne’s volunteers have ever demonstrated any negative sign of emotional distress themselves. They are always happy and in a good mood. The same can be said about the Georgette Bergeron and her volunteers at the CERCLE MISSIONNAIRE de la VALLEE.
  
   As I was cleaning off my plate my thoughts drifted to the Chevaliers du Colomb #5005 hall on Emily Street where I recently saw the awesome mobile blood donor clinic in operation. While speaking to Robert Plourde and Roger Menard I could sense a tremendous feeling of satisfaction at what these men and their team of a dozen or more volunteers were doing along with Councils #7368; #10602; and #9922 as each took their turns sponsoring the monthly clinics. Not once did I see a volunteer looking stressed out or tired at the clinic.  
  
   I sat for a few moments in silence, simply taking in the breath-taking atmosphere of the spaghetti dinner and recalled an old Chinese tale about a woman whose only son died. In her grief, she went to the holy man and said, "What prayers, what magical incantations do you have to bring my son back to life?"
  
   Instead of sending her away or reasoning with her, he said to her, "Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow. We will use it to drive the sorrow out of your life." The woman went off at once in search of that magical mustard seed.
  
   She came first to a splendid mansion, knocked at the door, and said, "I am looking for a home that has never known sorrow. Is this such a place? It is very important to me."
  
   They told her, "You've certainly come to the wrong place," and began to describe all the tragic things that recently had befallen them.
  
   The woman said to herself, "Who is better able to help these poor, unfortunate people than I, who have had misfortune of my own?" She stayed to comfort them, then went on in search of a home that had never known sorrow.
  
   But wherever she turned, in hovels and in other places, she found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune. She became so involved in ministering to other people's grief that ultimately she forgot about her quest for the magical mustard seed, never realizing that it had, in fact, driven the sorrow out of her life.
   
   I had come to the church that evening to do a story about a spaghetti dinner. As I was leaving, I said good bye to my good friend Gerry Chartrand who reminded me about the Sunday Brunch he was organizing the following week. He thanked me for coming to their spaghetti dinner and for doing a story that would appear in The Vision. But I knew that it was I who should be thanking him and all of the other volunteers I had come across that evening and in the weeks prior. This was definitely a moment that was going to stand out in my life.
  
   And so, if you are ever feeling down and out yourself, or if you have sorrow of some kind in your own life, remember the lesson that was learned by the old Chinese woman. Find a place where you can volunteer your time to help others and you will be surprised at how quickly your own sorrows seem to disappear.

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   Education Week is one week during the year that teachers and students devote to showcasing the accomplishments and achievements of their school community. There are numerous activities, events, and open houses lined up to help increase awareness among the general public of the important place education has in our world today.
  
   If you are a parent, you really don’t need to be reminded about the importance of education. What goes on at school has an impact on every single facet of family life from the time your youngest child enters Junior Kindergarten until the day he or she finally decides that it is time to leave the classroom and enter the world of work.
  
   Many parents today don’t realize, however, just how different things were when they were going through the system. It sure seemed a whole lot easier to deal with school matters when my own children were growing up.  Homework was less difficult to understand and I had no trouble helping my children with their assignments. Most of the time we just let the school take care of education responsibilities. Come to think of it, everything about life seemed so much easier to deal with.
  
   Times are different today – in everything, not just education. Parents are no longer just parents: they are “Family Managers” with responsibilities that include a wide variety of functions, including the management of the education and career planning of their children. In other words, today’s parents MUST take an active role in the education program of their children. They have no choice and it is imperative that they fully understand the implications of provincial testing; IPRC meetings; IEP requirements; special education and resource support; academic vs applied levels of study in high school; college vs university vs apprenticeship options; report cards that have numbers from 1 to 4 instead of percents and letters; etc.
  
   Many parents are left in a total state of confusion, making an attempt to become involved by “helping” with homework until they recognize that the math being taught in school today does not look like the math they were taught 20 or 30 years ago. They try as hard as they can to “force” their children to keep up with assignments and to get high marks but this often leads to an elevated level of stress in the home and a negative attitude towards education among the children.
  
   Today’s parents have no choice! They must accept their role as “Family Managers” and within that organizational structure of the family falls the management of Learning and Education programs for children.
  
   This can mean measures that include anywhere from home schooling to private schools and everything in between from regular schools to special schools to private tutoring. Whatever it takes, it is your responsibility as the “Family Manager” to make sure that effective learning takes place for all members of your “team” – yourself included.
  
   The primary responsibility for educating your child is no longer the job of the schools. It is your job as a parent and how you manage your choice of schools and your understanding of the school system is critical to your performance as the “Family Manager”.
  
   Education Week is a good time to remind ourselves of these responsibilities. Take some time this week to visit your child’s school. Talk to the teacher and principal. And don’t just talk about the weather. Talk about substance and become better acquainted with the programs. Ask for explanations. Question policies and philosophies with which you disagree. Visit web sites and check things out.
  
   Whatever you do, DON’T DO NOTHING! Your job as a “Family Manager” is the most important job you will ever have in your life. Be good at it!

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   Wouldn’t it be nice if we could put an end to rumours and gossip?
    
   How many times in the past have you been guilty of passing on some juicy information that you heard from someone you thought you could trust only to find out later that what you originally heard was wrong? Whenever that happens to me I get a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing that I have contributed to the spread of this false information. Each time I vow never to get caught again…but inevitably history repeats itself.
  
   Well, I think I’ve finally found a method which will protect me from rumour and gossip forever. It is such a good piece of advice that I want to share it with all of my readers in an attempt to eliminate all forms of rumour and gossip.
  
   The next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumour, think about the following story about the Greek philosopher, Socrates, who lived from 469 to 399 BC. He was widely known and respected for his wisdom.
  
   Once day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?”
  
   “Wait a moment," Socrates replied. “Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test.”

   “Triple filter?”

   “That's right,” Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my Student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say.  The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
  
   “No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it.”

   “All right,” said Socrates. “So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”

   “No, on the contrary ...”

   “So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?”

   The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. “You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”

   “No, not really ...”

   “Well," concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

   The man was defeated and ashamed.
  
   The lesson here is one that we can apply in just about all areas of our life. Whether you are a parent, a teacher, a friend, a co-worker, or just an acquaintance, the next time someone starts to tell you a bit of gossip about another person, simply perform the “Triple Filter” test on them. If they fail any part of the filter test, then it is likely not worth your while to listen.
  
   Moreover, the next time you are tempted to talk about someone else, or the next time you want to share some secret with another person, take a couple of moments and do the “triple filter” test on yourself.

   If you have an urge to say anything of which you are not certain is true; if you have an urge to say anything which is not good about someone else, or; if you have an urge to say something which is not even useful to the person to whom you are speaking, then why say anything at all. Stop the rumours and gossip that you are spreading! Refuse to listen to rumours and gossip from others! Then we can put an end to rumours and gossip once and for all.

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  One night last week my wife and I had the privilege of baby sitting our two granddaughters. Yes. We consider it a privilege every time we have an opportunity to spend time with them. Unfortunately, I had to attend a meeting so it was around 8:30 when I finally arrived at the house. My wife told me that my oldest granddaughter had been asking for me all night, wondering when Grandpa was coming. Thankfully, she was still awake and when she saw me I picked her up and she hugged my neck for what seemed like an eternity. We didn’t say a word to each other. Just hugged and snuggled.
  
   The previous night I had come across the following story in one of my email messages. Before I write another word, I want you to read it. It was entitled, “Stay”.
  
   Late one night at the hospital, a nurse took a tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside of a dying patient.
  
   "Your son is here," she said to the old man. She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened. Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
  
   The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength.
  
   Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile. He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital; the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.
  
   Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
  
   Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited. Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
  
   "Who was that man?" he asked.
  
   The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.
  
   "No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
  
   "Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
  
   "I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."
  
   As my granddaughter and I held each other, I couldn’t help but recall the story about the Marine and the old man at the hospital.  I don’t know who needed each other more that night. One thing I am sure of is that my granddaughter felt the love I felt as we held each other. It must have been the same with the Marine and the old man.
  
   There is a saying that I turn to every now and then when I want to remind myself about what is important in this world. The saying is: “We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.”
  
   I regretted not being able to be with my granddaughter for the entire evening. It was unfortunate that I had a meeting to attend, but were it not for the meeting, I may not have had that wonderful, spiritual experience I had with her that night.
  
   The hug may have lasted only a couple of minutes, but I will remember the feeling for the rest of my life.
  
   The next time someone needs you…just be there. Stay. It is truly a privilege to be needed by another human being…just be there.
  
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The pregnancy progresses normally for Karen, an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown,Tennessee. Then the labor pains come. Every five minutes every minute. But complications arise during delivery. Hours of labor. Would a C-section be required?

Finally, Michael's little sister is born. But she is in serious condition. With siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushes the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital, Knoxville, Tennessee. The days inch by. The little girl gets worse. The pediatric specialist tells the parents, "There is very little hope. Be prepared for the worst."

Karen and her husband contact a local cemetery about a burial plot. They have fixed up a special room in their home for the new baby - now they plan a funeral.

Michael, keeps begging his parents to let him see his sister, "I want to sing to her," he says.

Week two in intensive care. It looks as if a funeral will come before the week is over. Michael keeps nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care. But Karen makes up her mind. She will take Michael whether they like it or not. If he doesn't see his sister now, he may never see her alive.

She dresses him in an oversized scrub suit and marches him into ICU. He looks like a walking laundry basket, but the head nurse recognizes him as a child and bellows, "Get that kid out of here now! No children are allowed.

The mother rises up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glares steel-eyed into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line. "He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!" Karen tows Michael to his sister's bedside. He gazes at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. And he begins to sing.

In the pure hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sings: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray --- "

Instantly the baby girl responds. The pulse rate becomes calm and steady.

Keep on singing, Michael.

"You never know, dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away---"

The ragged, strained breathing becomes as smooth as a kitten's purr. Keep on singing, Michael.

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms..." Michael's little sister relaxes as rest, healing rest, seems to sweep over her. Keep on singing, Michael. Tears conquer the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glows.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don't, take my sunshine away."

Funeral plans are scrapped. The next, day-the very next day-the little girl is well enough to go home!

Woman's Day magazine called it "the miracle of a brother's song." The medical staff just called it a miracle.

Karen called it a miracle of God's love!

NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE

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