I have coached various teams; I have taught elementary school for 27 years; I have been involved in collective bargaining for over 20 years; and in my most important role, I have been a husband and a father for over 25 years. In all of that time and through all of the experiences that those roles have lead, I have tried my best to follow that one critical rule.

Never allow yourself to lose due to anger.

This does not mean that you are to go around being passive and allowing others to run all over you. People - especially students and former athletes - will certainly be quick to tell you that I can demonstrate anger as well as the next person.

The secret is that you must never do anything because you are angry. You can show others that you are not pleased with their behaviour and you can certainly appear to be very upset, but deep down inside you must always maintain control of that temper. An angry tone can be used for effect, but it should never be allowed to dictate your own actions. When you do things out of anger, you often regret your actions or your words later, when it is too late to do anything about it.

Let me share a story with you about what can happen when you lose control of your emotions and act out of intense anger..

One day a man was working in the garage on his brand new truck. He was polishing it and examining all parts of the engine, under the vehicle and inside. It was obvious that he was very proud of this new vehicle. His three-year old son was watching curiously. The man went into the house for something and when he returned he saw his son happily hammering dents into the side of the shiny paint. The man screamed at the little boy and knocked him to the side. He was so upset that he picked up his son and threw him through the open doorway into the house. He then turned in disgust and slammed the door behind him. The man heard a painful scream behind him and when he turned he saw the tiny fingers of his son caught in door. When the man calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

The doctors tried desperately to save the crushed bones, but it was no use. They finally had to amputate the fingers from the boy’s hand. When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, “Daddy, I’m sorry about your truck.”

Then he asked, “But when are my fingers going to grow back?”

The father then went home and committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time you see someone spill milk at the dinner table or hear a baby crying. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and hurt feelings often can’t.

Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. People make mistakes. We are all allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Learn to walk away from situations when you feel your anger will cloud your judgement. Deal with the matter when you have calmed down. Remember, it is perfectly fine to appear angry for effect. But you must always be in control of what you are saying and what you are doing. And you must always be aware of the goals and objectives you are seeking through your actions. Direct your attention to the behaviour, not the person. As soon as you make it personal, you have lost.

Anger only lasts for a few moments, but the repercussions can last a lifetime!