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FOOD
FOR THOUGHT
Editorials by Robert Kirwan |
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Is Not The Enemy of Life, But It’s Friend…
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When
my Father-in-law, Ignace Starcevic, passed away in 1982,
my wife asked me to come up with something nice to have
engraved on his tombstone. I was only 32 at the
time and we were in the process of raising three young
sons, aged 3, 5 and 7.
It was a hectic time of our lives and we were
typical parents – running ourselves ragged as we
encountered all of the normal experiences and challenges
faced by all other young parents.
Last
fall, when my Mother-in-law, Helen Starcevic, died, we
found ourselves in a completely different set of
circumstances. The other day, as I was making
arrangements with Ellero to have the tombstone engraved
with the date of her death, I took a long look at the
inscription I had selected 24 years ago and it seemed as
if time had stood still. I paused to ask myself where
those 24 years had gone, and moreover, what had changed
in my life?
My
wife and I are still living a hectic life; probably more
hectic and busy than we’ve ever been. True; our once
young sons are now 27, 29 and 31, each with lives of
their own to live. My oldest is almost the same age as I
was at the time of the death of his grandfather. As I
look at him and his wife, I see myself 24 years ago.
They are typical parents – running themselves ragged
as they encounter the change of life that comes from
having two young daughters, one aged 3 months and the
other turning 2 years old this summer. I remember when I
was my son’s age and remembered how I thought of
myself as young, energetic and still with a full life
ahead of me. I could handle the world and anything that
came along. I was invincible, and yet I was also a bit
frightened about what the future would hold.
I
recall that when choosing the inscription for my
Father-in-law’s tombstone, even back then it struck me
as a very profound statement. And yet, with the passing
of time I realize that I am only now beginning to
appreciate and understand the significance of its
meaning. As a 32 year old, it was impossible to fully
comprehend its message.
The
inscription I selected is: DEATH IS NOT THE ENEMY OF
LIFE, BUT ITS FRIEND. FOR IT IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT OUR
YEARS ARE LIMITED WHICH MAKES THEM SO PRECIOUS.
My wife and I look at our situation today and
other than the fact that we have aged a bit, nothing
much has changed. Our life is still hectic. We spend
every possible moment we can with our two
granddaughters. It seems as if we are always going
somewhere or doing something, and we seldom have time to
simply put up our feet and rest. And yet, even though I
am just as “busy” as ever and still trying to “get
it all in”, I feel much more relaxed than I was 24
years ago. I think it is because for the past 24 years I
was simply “accumulating”
experiences in an effort to define who I was and while I
was doing that I was too focused on the responsibilities
of being a husband and father to take time to appreciate
those experiences.
Now,
while I think I am in many ways doing much more with my
life than I ever have, I don’t feel as rushed or
pressured. When my granddaughter wants me to sit down
with her to read a book, I stop what I am doing and get
down on the floor with her. All of a sudden, deadlines,
dinner, cutting the grass, and appointments don’t seem
quite as important as they once were. And yet, when I
eat dinner, cut the grass, meet with people, write these
editorials – indeed, when I do anything now, I enjoy
the experience much more than ever before. I have
discovered that “taking time to smell the roses”
doesn’t mean that you have to “slow down” or
“miss out on anything”, it just means that you have
learned that you can actually “enjoy what you are
doing” and still get the most out of your many
experiences.
The
biggest difference from 24 years ago – I know that my
years are limited. I know that I am not invincible. And
I do feel that each and every day is a wonderful,
precious gift. If only I had realized that 24 years ago.
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